Fatima goes next. She treats the water monitor like a javelin coach. “Don’t you look at me sideways, lizard.” She grabs five stars methodically, only flinching once when a leech attaches to her earlobe. She removes it with the same expression she’d use to remove a sticker from an apple.

Sinitta is lowered first. Within three seconds of the coffin lid closing, she screams: “I’VE GOT SOMETHING ON MY LEG THAT HAS LEGS!” She pulls the emergency release. collected. Total failure. Ant pats her on the head. Dec whispers, “That’s two goldfish and a leaf.”

Mark Wright. His reaction: “YES! BRING IT!” (then quietly vomits behind a bush). End of VP3 – Day 3 Next time: Dougie finds a snake in his sleeping bag. He names it Brian.

Ant reads: “Tonight, three of you will face a Bushtucker Trial called ‘The Coffin of Cacophony.’ You will be locked in underground crates with 10,000 jungle cockroaches, a hungry water monitor, and a sound system playing ‘I’m a Celebrity…’ on a broken loop. The other celebrities must eat a blended ‘Full English Breakfast’ smoothie – with fermented spider garnish.”