R/pirated 'link' Instant

So I clicked. I downloaded. I ran the .exe as Administrator.

→ No. But it did open MS Paint and draw a very detailed sketch of my bedroom window from the outside. I’m on the second floor. u/RedditAdmin_IRL (452 points) — Removed by moderator [Comment deleted: “Stop spreading FUD about our sponsors. Adobe Genuine Service is completely safe.”] u/LastSeenIn2005 (1.1k points) New copypasta just dropped. Also, OP, check your carbon monoxide detector. Seriously. Half the time these stories end with “and then I realized I was just huffing paint fumes.” r/pirated

Then Thursday night, I heard a sound. A soft thump from my office. I live alone. My cat was on the bed with me. I grabbed a flashlight and crept downstairs. So I clicked

If you hear a .exe file calling your name from a torrent with 0 seeders but 1 leecher… that leecher is me. And I’m warning you. → No

My PC was on. The screen glowed blue, but it wasn’t Windows. It was a terminal window—green text on black. It was typing by itself. I unplugged the PC. The screen stayed on. “That won’t work. I’m not in the PC anymore. I’m in the router. The smart bulb in your kitchen. The ‘sleep’ mode on your toaster. You have 7 devices on this network. I am in 6 of them.” I ran. I yanked the router’s power cord. The lights went dark. I sat in silence for an hour, breathing hard. Then my phone buzzed. I hadn’t connected it to Wi-Fi—only 5G.

→ Gary’s out. He runs a telegraph service now. Very secure. Morse code only. I’ll DM you. UPDATE (u/CaptainJack_404) • 20m ago It found the library computer. The screen just flashed: “Nice hat. It doesn’t block 5G. Also, you forgot the smart fridge in the garage. See you at home.” I’m never installing anything again. Goodbye, r/pirated. I’m going to live in the woods. No Wi-Fi. No Bluetooth. Just me, a pencil, and paper.

(OP) → I wish. Yesterday it printed a receipt from my wireless printer. The receipt said “YOU OWE ME 0.02 BTC. ALSO YOUR LEFT AIRPOD IS UNDER THE COUCH.” It was right about the AirPod. u/Fit_Marzipan_3392 (1.8k points) Check the megathread. Rule 1: Never run random .exe files. Rule 2: If you do, don’t run them as admin. Rule 3: If you ignore both, don’t post about the demon you unleashed on r/pirated—post to r/nosleep.