MISSY (Jerks thumb toward ceiling) Trying to calculate the exact trajectory of a mosquito that bit him last night. Said it’s “a matter of statistical vengeance.”
SHELDON I’ve been asked to discuss my spiritual journey. To summarize: at age five, I asked God for a proton accelerator. I did not receive it. At age seven, I asked for a pet axolotl. Also negative. Therefore, either God does not exist, or He has terrible taste in gifts.
Awkward silence. Pastor Jeff (50s, sweaty) nods encouragingly.
SHELDON Fine. I find comfort in the structure of liturgy. The repetition. The predictable intervals. It’s like a poorly written algorithm, but it’s my poorly written algorithm.
Sheldon stands at a podium. A microphone screeches. He taps it.
MISSY That’s disgusting. Even for you.